Listening to someone and then offering to pray for them sounds simple. Jot a few notes, pray once a day or now and then and get busy on work, chores, or doing something fun. But learning how to listen became something of an art for me. My face told too many stories to my friends about how I felt and sometimes made it hard for me to be a good friend.

If I was shocked, angry, judgmental, or confused people could see it on my face. My expression could easily shut down communication with my friends. When they felt that I was judging them, they quit talking and sometimes quit being my friends. The Lord began to teach me about my judgmental spirit.

He reminded me, “therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Rom. 8:1).

I loved reading that verse; I needed to know that God did not condemn me because I had put my trust in Christ. I couldn't just happily claim this verse for myself, however, and then condemn my friends who believed in Christ too.

God is responsible for dealing with each of His children about our sins and I learned I didn't need to be in the business of throwing stones. So when I learned to listen, I also had to learn to not judge the person I was listening to. As a follower of Christ, I, too, could sin, and so I had no business condemning anyone else.

I learned to pray for friends to be “strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you might have great endurance and patience” (Col. 1:11-12). My role as a listening friend was to build up and encourage.

I had to learn to school my face to not show everything that I was thinking, but I also had to learn to think differently about others. Friendship wasn't only about actions but about my heart. The changes took time, reading God's Word, and praying for my own attitudes to change. I haven't arrived, but I'm on the road.

In the next column, we will explore more about praying for others.

(Nancy Landahl, Copyright 2008, all rights reserved.)

As a single woman, I have gone through many transitions since I first came to know Jesus Christ as my Savior during my sophomore year of college. Campus college groups helped me to grow spiritually and friendships developed that still endure after 35 years. Friendships ebb and flow over time but during the years that I have become isolated either by choice or circumstances, my walk with Christ has also been affected.

I have seen God use times of isolation to deepen my dependence on Him, but I have also withdrawn intentionally from friendships when I was hurt and in need.

One of the things that I have learned in my walk with Christ is that I cannot live in a vacuum. Christ intends for me to be in relationships with people. Some of these develop at work, some through Bible Studies and some God just seems to set in place.

This column will explore some of the dimensions of friendship. It is not a manual for friendships or a scientific analysis. It is simply observations about friendship and how God may work in friendships to help us to grow. I hope that some of these observations may inspire others in their friendships as well.